Welcome to the Frontpage

Welcome

copingwi@copingwithsuddenloss.com (Pam Thompson) — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 17:46:48 +0000

Welcome to coping with sudden loss.com. This site is dedicated to my dear late husband Mark who died suddenly in November of 2008. He was just 46 years old! GONE BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN!

This is a place where individuals can come to find grief forum links, informative articles on the grief process, information on learning to deal with sudden death, death due to illness, un-natural or natural causes, whether it be a family member, close friend, or animal companion. Feel free to join the discussions in our forum where you can get support from your fellow members. Remember you are not alone in this journey. May you find comfort in the support of others who are living through the same thing you are.

I Survived Two Sudden Deaths

copingwi@copingwithsuddenloss.com (Pam Thompson) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:08:25 +0000

I have had the unfortunate experience to have survived two sudden deaths in my immediate family in the past 10+ years. The first happened 10 years ago this past July. My husband and I had just been married 3 weeks when I received what I thought would be the worst news I would ever have to hear. It was summertime in 1999 and my husband and I had gone up to a Christian retreat camp in Quebec about a two hour or so drive from our home. We had just arrived and we were getting settled in our room when the owner of the camp found us and told us that I had a phone call. You have to appreciate the fact that I knew no-one in my family even had the phone number for this place and I was not expecting a phone call where we were. The person on the other end was my Mom. She had just told me that my younger brother had just been found dead in his apartment. He had completed suicide. The Landlord had ordered his apartment to be painted because my brother was supposed to have moved out a couple of days before the painter was to start painting.The painter found him. He was only 33 years old. Our whole family was obviously devastated and wanted to know why he would do such a thing to himself. We knew he wasn’t happy because he had not been able to find steady employment for several years before he decided to end it all. He hid the depths of his depression very well because even his own best friend had no idea and he saw my brother more than anyone. The most frustrating aspect of his suicide was that he had been diagnosed with depression years before but he refused to get help. My parent’s found out after he died that he had been planning the suicide for a least a few years before he finally decided that he could not live any longer. The last straw was the fact that the roommate he was supposed to move in with backed out on him, he had already given his notice to the Landlord and when he asked the Landlord if he could stay on the landlord told him his place had already been rented. He felt he had nowhere else to go, he was almost out of money and had no employment prospects. For him suicide was the end to his emotional pain. He was a very sensitive soul and had a hard time with life. That’s not to say I didn’t get angry after he died. I was angry that he felt suicide was the only way out. I was angry because I felt he was being a coward and selfish for not thinking about how his family would feel after he was gone. It took me well over three years to begin to understand why he felt death was his only way out. I still miss him and my one regret is that he didn’t live to meet his only nephew, my son because despite his mental state he adored his four nieces. I also had a hard time getting the visuals out of my head as to what the painter encountered when he entered my brother’s room. To this day I can’t look at anything remotely similar to the way he killed himself.

Everyone has a different “timetable” for grief

copingwi@copingwithsuddenloss.com (Pam Thompson) — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 18:32:38 +0000

Everyone has a different “timetable” for grief

By Pam Thompson

Having been through two sudden and traumatic deaths in the past ten years and having been a member of various online grief forums,I can say with great certainty that the “timetable” for grief varies greatly for each person who is going through it. It is my feeling that there are two factors which indicate how a person is going to cope the aftermath of the death of a loved one no matter how that person died. The first is the person’s personality which includes their ability to handle trauma and the death of a loved one is emotional trauma, and that person’s individual spiritual beliefs. I do know that I have read other people’s accounts of well meaning friends and relatives who say to them“ It’s been a year since (blank’s) death isn’t it time you stopped grieving?” This not an appropriate thing to say because although we learn to adjust to a new life without our loved one we never ever forget them and they will always stay in a special place in our hearts and minds. Some people have a harder time than others in moving on and may need to seek help from a professional. According to the following website it can take months or years to fully process and accept the loss. They also go on to say: Seek professional help – If your grief is unbearable, or if you are simply unable to function, it’s a good idea to speak to a professional to help work through your grief.